TIPS FOR TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX

1. Start early
Start the conversation with your child instead of waiting for them to ask you. 88% of teens say it would be easier to postpone sex if they could talk to their parents openly about it. We have a great chance to talk to our children first
before they learn about sex through friends, media, or other adults! When should you start?
Read more about age-appropriate conversations.

2. Start the conversation
You can start a conversation about sexual content that may be shown on TV, in magazines and in songs on the radio. Ask, “What do you think of this song? Why is this song so popular? How realistic do you think this is?” Encourage
your child to talk and ask questions. Use “what, why, and how” questions that cannot simply be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”.

3. Keep it simple
Use simple words that your child can understand. When talking about how a person “gets” a disease or various ways of having sex, avoid terms like “transmission” or “cunnalingus and feletio”. You may talk about “giving or getting” a virus or disease instead of “transmission” of a disease or virus. Also, specify that vaginal sex is (penis to vagina) Oral (penis to mouth, vagina to mouth, or butt to mouth)and anal sex is (penis to butt). Youth may have different definitions of sex; they may believe that oral sex is not sex; therefore that they can’t get STD’s from oral sex. This is false.

4. Create an open environment
Let your child know that they can share their concerns with you and that you won’t share with others without their permission. Assure them that they are “normal” for being curious, and praise your child for coming to you for guidance. When you do not feel prepared to have this kind of open conversation with your child be honest about what you are feeling, embarrassment, fear, sadness, etc. Let your child know that you will seek out another trust worthy adult or organization to get the answers together.

5. Listen
Approach the conversation with listening and not talking in mind. Listen to hear new information, not to judge or evaluate what the child is saying. Try not to hold their words up against your values. Repeat back to your child what you think you heard, “So you are saying….” Or “Help me understand what you are asking,”

6. Communicate your values
Be open in sharing your values. You don’t need to go into a long explanation or speech. Share what’s important to you in simple terms. I.E.: “I value good health and in order for your health to be protected, I suggest that you put off sex until you are more prepared to make these decisions.” “I value healthy relationships, it’s important to me that you be well informed and have the skills to negotiate risky situations and speak up for yourself and your health.”

7. Talk about it again….and again
One conversation is not enough. Be prepared to repeat the conversation on several occasions. Use teachable moments to start the conversations again. For example, a scene on TV, a song, images in music videos, or billboards, these are all good conversation starters and they are all around in our everyday environment.

Read more at:
Advocates for youth
CDC adolescent sexuality
Planned Parenthood

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
The American Academy of pediatrics
CDC
ASHA (American Social Health Association)